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Honto estos sur la viron kun malbono en lin menson.
Shame be to the man who has evil on his mind...
Newest Entry
Wednesday, Sept. 24, 2008 3:30 P.M.
-=Depression=-
I've been crazy busy with school work. I haven't been able to get online with all that has been going on so I'll break it down as best I can.
My dog was put to sleep in August. He had a stroke and there was just no way to care for him since he couldn't even work his back legs properly and didn't even know he wet himself in his sleep. It was time to let him go.
My MP3player was stolen right out of my hand so I'm still mad about that. I don't have any kind of money to get a new one and all the little bit that I do get goes straight to trying to pay off the school loans I have at the moment so my credit doesn't get worse than it already is. I plan on getting a Chapter 7 or a Chapter 13 almost as soon as I graduate college to try to clear out what I owe and pay back a minimal amount of it.
I have been sick on and off. Just generally haven't been well. Since my dog died, me and my mother's dog have been hand in hand and have both been out of our minds greiving. She cries constantly and so do I when no one is looking. I have worked hard to stop crying in public, but obviously not hard enough since I started sobbing on the bust on the way to school the other day.
I have also been having more and more blackouts. I've been trying to...well, blackout the blackouts, but yesterday I missed my class and ended up completely lost in a location I have never been in before. I had to call someone to pick me up. I forget from room to room, which...if you know me you already know. But it's back to being as if whole chunks of my day have gone missing though I apparently went through the motions. Like reading a book, but not remembering how you got to the chapter you are on. That's how I feel constantly and I never know when or where it will hit. I spend my days just trying to stay sane. My family think I've lost it because I keep seeing strange crap that no one but me and my dog could. With him gone, I have no one to back me up on these things. I've been seeing animals everywhere to the point that I don't know if they are actually there or not. My dog, Peepers, would react to them even if I didn't move. But then again, we always saw things no one else in the house seemed to have noticed. I saw a black rabbit hop out from under the inn table and into oblivion. He jumped and skittered and searched the area while I, in the middle of a sentence, just stopped and stared. No one else saw, no one else reacted...except us.
Now it's just me and I think I've gone plum insane.
What bothers me most is that it seems to be 90% at home that I see these bugs and animals everywhere. When I see them, it is so fleeting...like when you see something out of the corner of your eye and you look and nothing is there. It's like that, except for that fact that I'm looking dead at it. It's like that, except for the fact that my dog would wake from a snoring sleep to investigate though I never made a move to do so myself.
Maybe insanity is a shared trait betwixt dog and owner?
-Queen
Mi estas malbona. Multe pli bona tamen mia hundo mortis pastina monato. Mi tre maltrafas lin.
Mi nigrumis. Ili fortimigas min. Mi vidas aĵoj reala. Mia hundo vidis ilin ankaŭ. Eble ni porcas frenezo?
-Stelino
-=Depression=- - Wednesday, Sept. 24, 2008
-=-Short...But Sweet-=- - Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2008
-=Trista Faco=- - Friday, Jul. 18, 2008
-=Hiatus=- - Wednesday, Jun. 25, 2008
